Finding the one big love and leading a long lasting and successful relationship with him or her depends on luck. At least that’s what a lot of people think. Another common belief is that our partner is responsible to make us happy and to satisfy us. Many people expect their partner to behave in a certain way and on that basis they decide if their relationship is good or bad. But if the partner does not deliver what we expect him to, the relationship fails and we make the partner responsible for it. The belief that people can make us happy is a widespread misapprehension.
It might sound a bit occult, but problems with our partners are often based on problems with ourselves. Inner problems are often misinterpreted and automatically linked to the people in our environment. We blame other people more easily than we blame ourselves. We start fights and arguments and are convinced that it is the other person we are angry about. But the truth is, that we are far too often discontented with ourselves and we find no other way to let this unhappiness and despair out but by blaming someone else. Often someone we love.
Studies with couples aged 70 plus that lead a successful marriage all say that in a partnership it is essential to love yourself. They say, only when they started to truly love themselves they were able to love the other person much more genuinely.
Psychologists found out that the extent to which we love ourselves is the same extent to which we are able to love someone else. A girl who hates herself because of her body or her past carries this negative feeling within her and reflects it on other people. When she starts a relationship she can’t really let go and lead a happy partnership.
The reason for that is that if we don’t allow ourselves to love ourselves we automatically don’t allow other people to love ourselves. Sounds complicated but is in fact simple. Loving yourself is often mixed up with pure egoism, but those two things couldn’t be more different. Loving yourself has to do with accepting yourself how you are, including body, character, friends, life, achievements, past, problems and worries. It is a healthy respect for yourself.
We have to treat ourselves like a very close friend. We should forgive ourselves the things we are not completely happy about and let go of worries and negative thoughts about ourselves. Because as soon as we start to accept ourselves 100% the way we are, we open the door for a successful relationship with other people. We allow others to love ourselves and can accept them to love us.
Problems will vanish and issues will disappear. We will understand the other person much better and have more love and respect for them. Self-love is the secret to love and be loved by others.
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