And they lived happily ever after? Well, that’s not really what our generation is preaching nowadays. A look at Hollywood provides the unfortunate truth: We watch our favorite actor getting together with a beautiful colleague, they marry, the whole world watches again and we all think the same: “This is never gonna last!” And that doesn’t only refer to Hollywoodstars, it also happens in our own lives or those of our friends and neighbors. But what is with love? How can we, when we meet someone we think we love, be sure that we really love them? How long will the butterflies stay?
No one is really able to foresee how long love between two partners is actually going to last. It depends on so many things. First, there is a huge difference between having a crush on someone and being in love. Fair enough, it’s not easy to tell the difference. That’s why there is only one thing that can help to find out: time. The longer we wait the more certain we can be about whether we only have a crush on someone or love them. A crush will fade pretty quickly. Studies revealed that 85% of all affaires or partnerships that seemed to be love at first and turned out to be only a crush, failed within the first 6 months. So as soon as we managed the first half year successfully without dramas or obvious signals that it’s not going to work out, we’re out of the woods. From then on our relationship has a realistic chance to be successful.
But there is never such thing like a 100% certainty. In the course of a marriage or relationship many things might happen, such as cheating, betraying, dark secrets and untold desires. There’s also a risk of external factors we don’t have any influence on. These might be illness or strokes of fate. A relationship has to be really strong to overcome problems and hard times like that. It doesn’t depend on love alone but primarily on a strong bond and the mutual will to stay together and fight through the bad times as a team. Apart from love, a relationship should therefore be hold together by a close friendship. Commitment, honesty, openness and the will to support each other no matter what will be, are the secrets of successful, long lasting and happy marriages.
Finally, love is a matter of interpretation. No doubt, love changes through the years. What first felt like butterflies might fade after 1 to 3 years and only occur occasionally from then. The love then reaches a different state and while some think their love is gone, others might have the feeling that their love got deeper and more serious.
Either way, love doesn’t come and stay automatically. We have to make an effort and be willing to give a lot to make it stay and flourish.
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